Showing posts with label sadness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sadness. Show all posts

Tribute to a Good Boy

From a few years ago at a spry 14 years old

My dear little buddy made an exit this week. He was advanced in age, deaf, blind, incontinent... and more. I wish he's passed peacefully in his sleep, but ultimately I had to have him put to sleep. It's the worst kind of decision.

Drago was a little bit of an accident. My roommate and I were out Christmas shopping and ended up taking a break by playing with some puppies for sale. The second I spotted puppy Drago, I was sure he was the cutest thing I'd ever seen. It was all just hair and two giant eyes. The breeder kept trying to get us interested in another from the litter, but we just knew Drago was the special one. He was shy at first and then gradually playful. For me it was love at first sight- the only time that's happened to me, btw. He was way over any budget we had, so we paid for him in installments. He was a great investment, for me any way!

Drago had wonderful energy, especially as a puppy. He loved everyone and would just bounce from lap to lap. Sadly, he was attacked by a German Shepherd and it dramatically altered his personality. He never stopped loving the ladies, but from then on, there were very few men he liked and he developed anxiety around most other dogs. 

To his family, Drago's personality remained sweet. He was patient with both the kids and ever the little man of the house. He was a vigilant crumb catcher. When he wasn't searching for edibles, he liked to curl up at my feet. And that's how I will always remember him!

Christmas Musing


It's the day after Christmas. There's still gift bags and tissue paper piled high on the loveseat. The coffee table is full of Christmas bounty. Jason's back to work. Julian is crawling around the house in his new sleeping bag pretending to be a worm. Jane is sleeping off a crazy jam session in her fancy exersaucer. I'm feeling the usual mixed emotions that come with the holidays. This week between Christmas and New Years is always kind of long and strange, especially with school being out.

We spent Christmas day with my in laws. I'm so lucky to get along with them well. My mother in law made it a relaxed, delicious, beautiful time. We've established a tradition. We open presents at our home and then head over there for breakfast and time with all the family. At some point presents are opened. By noon, everyone heads back to their houses for a Christmas nap. We don't have other family in town so we go back for a nice holiday dinner. There's usually a non-related guest or two that joins us. It's a nice day.


I do miss my family though. My parents are overseas. My brother is in California and my sister and her family live in Texas. We try to talk, or at least text, Christmas day, but I think that only makes us miss each other more! For me, there's always a little undercurrent that something is missing during the holiday season and I know it's being with my family. Hopefully we'll all be able to celebrate together in 2015.

I also went into this Christmas thinking that there would not be many presents under the tree. We've had medical  bills to pay off, stuff with the cars, and just a lot of financial drama this year. Jane is pretty small so I wasn't worried about her being disappointed, but Julian has had some major Christmas hauls in past years. I also love finding perfect gifts for friends and family members so, by my own choice, I normally have quite a few people to shop for. This year, we had to seriously slim down the list. We mostly just bought for our kids, nieces & nephews and our parents. 

Much to my surprise (and gratitude!), we were flooded with gifts from family and friends. The grandparents got the kids' big items: a bike for Julian and a deluxe exersaucer for Jane. I'm pretty sure neither of the children minded that some their gifts from us were not entirely new. Julian even said that this was the best Christmas ever. We all loved hearing that!


Of course, as much as family means and as fun as all the gifting is, the real meaning of Christmas also brings me mixed emotions. I can't express enough thankfulness that I don't have to earn God's acceptance. Jesus made that possible, so celebrating His birth is the highlight of my year. This holiday and the whole Jesus story is about love, forgiveness, acceptance, peace... and it makes me very sad that those are not words that are associated with Christians in general any more. That's another blog post entirely though! 

The Year 2012


The Year 2012~

This year was truly a year of ups and downs and learning to accept things as they are. There’s a certain creativity that forms when one has to make things work in less than ideal situations. There’s also a surrender and peace that comes when we take our eyes off what other people have going for them and instead appreciate what’s being worked out in our own life. I’m still working on banishing the insecure or jealous thoughts that still surface from time to time, but after this year of in depth Bible study and more consistent communication with God, I feel better equipped to deal with my thought life. 
I usually start with the highs of the year and then go on to the lows and my resolutions, but I have such great anticipation of 2013, that I want to end on the positives from 2012.

Lows of the Year
Losses- My grandmother passed two days before last Christmas and that set the tone for 2012. During that same week, we suffered yet another miscarriage. Six short months later my Grandpa Weeks joined my grandmother in heaven. Then just before Thanksgiving, Grandpa Yeargain, my last grandparent, passed quite suddenly. Another death- and maybe the most jarring- was that of our friend Alexia. She was our age and we still don’t entirely know what happened. The reality of death and the fleetingness of life weighed on us heavily this year. I definitely suffered from bouts of depression, likely brought on by grief.

Stress- Jason’s job, things breaking in the house, travel expenses, vehicle issues, the election, finances, health issues and the busiest schedule I’ve ever had all contributed to our stress levels being elevated to an all time high. We don’t deal well with stress so it had an affect on our home life and relationships.

National tragedies- Even though Hurricane Sandy did not hit our part of Florida, it did hit the part of New Jersey that I grew up in. I felt a great sense of loss seeing footage of one of the neighborhoods we lived in just decimated. There’s just a sadness that can’t be explained when something happens to places that are hallowed in our memories.
I think our whole country was just devastated by Sandy Hook school killings. As a parent of a young child, it just shook me to the core.

Highs of the Year
St. Augustine- In January, I spent a long weekend in St. Augustine with some of my besties. After our sad Christmas, it was a refreshing and fun time.

School- Julian started K-4 this year. He loves it and is doing quite well.

Volunteering- I was really blessed to be able to work with several wonderful charities this year doing everything from helping with swanky benefits to sorting through garage sale donations. Our church also provided opportunities to help the needy in our community and I loved being a part of those.

Family time- This year Julian and I spent several weeks up in Missouri. While it was not for fun reasons, we did get time with our family members. After my grandfather’s funeral in November, my mom was able to stop in Florida before heading back to India. It was nice to have her here during the holiday season, even if it was a short visit.

Tampa Bay Etsy Crew- Almost 2 years ago I started a little team of Etsy sellers in the Tampa Bay area. This year the team really took off. We’re now almost 850 strong and our leadership has grown from 1 tired lady (me!) to 5 motivated, intelligent and fun gals . We’ve had great monthly meet ups and even a couple big events. While it’s been good for business, it’s been even better to develop friendships within the creative community.

Georgia- After event season ended and before the holiday sale season really got busy, I needed break. When Jason’s parents invited us up to Georgia for Thanksgiving, we happily accepted. Julian loves the country and we were able to really relax and just enjoy a slower pace for a bit. On our way home we spent a couple days with good friends and had a wonderful time with them.

Baby Jane- A little over a year ago, I’d been in contact with the genetics team at USF regarding the many miscarriages we’d had. After testing of the DNA of our lost babies, they’d found a chromosomal issue that was not compatible with life. Since we have a healthy boy and all the miscarriages tested were female, they told us the abnormality was in the female chromosomes and that we could only hope to have another boy. That made me a little sad, but I accepted it and we moved on and started looking at other options.
There’d been so much loss already in the year that I really didn’t think I could cope emotionally with another miscarriage. We decided to try to prevent a pregnancy until we felt God’s leading to adopt or just have one child or try again. Early October, we were shocked to find out I was pregnant. We were cautiously optimistic (and remain so!) and just thankful when every appointment was positive and the baby seemed to be thriving. Last week we had an ultrasound, and much to our surprise (and the doctor’s too), we saw that our baby is a GIRL! I can’t view that as less than miraculous. So now I’m just trying to keep healthy and we’re trying to wrap our heads around having a little girl. She’s expected a week or so earlier than her June 1st due date and we intend to name her Jane Marie. All praise be to God!

 Resolutions  
I’m actually not going to make any this year. We have a lot on our plates for 2013 without heaping lofty goals on top of it all. It’s going to be a bit of a balancing act, especially financially, but I know God will guide us and keep us like He always has. I start this year with an optimism I haven’t felt in a long time. Happy New Year!

Passed

July 11~

   My grandfather peacefully passed  last night. Only my dad was with him, which was as it should be somehow. There's a relief amidst the sadness because it was terrible for grandpa to be without my grandma and he doesn't have to be any more. I cried all morning because I knew when we got to Missouri, I'd need to keep it together. 
   We had a pretty big delay that- for once- wasn't Allegiant's fault. As we were pulling out to the runway, this huge lightning storm hit. We couldn't go back to the gate and we definitely couldn't take off so we sat in the plane for almost 2 hours. Of course, Allegiant wasn't going to offer water or anything to make the wait easier. Still, Julian and I entertained each other and the people across the row too. For such a long time on the plane, he did very well. He's quite the traveler!

This was at the one hour waiting point- still smiling. The older lady in the background was his "best girl" by the time we got to Springfield!



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