Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts

Go Workout, Mom! (And Don’t Feel Bad About It)

Fun Halloween themed Zumba night

There are a lot of things that there is mommy guilt over, but working out should not be one of those things. I’ve had people question me about my gym schedule and how I get away for that much time and I just laugh and say I carve and guard that time out vigilantly and it’s been good for me and my family. These are the reasons why.

First of all they don’t see their dad until he gets home from work. The nights that I am at the gym gives them time with him. It lets them know that their needs can be met by more than just mommy. My kids are used to it, but kids will come up with a lot of things that they want mommy to do and a lot of reasons why you should stay with them. The reasons are often valid and sweet, but at the end of the day, someone else can do those things as just well. I think it’s good for dads to share responsibility for the children and our routine is that when I’m gone, dad does bedtime. It’s a good thing. It’s a great example for my boy and my girl that marriage is teamwork. That includes kid duties, house duties, work, etc..

My biggest reason is that a healthy mom is a happier mom. I had some pretty big bouts of depression in the past. At one point my son was playing “mommy“ and he laid on the couch and wrapped his head in a blanket and that just floored me. Kids pick up on these things. I have a lot more patience and a lot less down days when I get those exercise endorphins. And physically being able to keep up with them and have more energy for family time is no doubt a benefit.

I also want to set a good example for the kids. A lifestyle that includes physical fitness is something that I hope they will follow in their lives. The mental health benefits as well as the physical health benefits of routine exercise are undeniable. My kids have not hit puberty yet, but I have struggled with weight issues since I did and working out has helped so much to keep that in check. Since both of them are so young, I’m not sure what their metabolism and genes will do, but I like to think that the expectation that exercise is part of life will help them with whatever that ends up being.

One of the biggest benefits that I’ve seen, especially when I was doing the stay at home mom thing, was that it gave me an outlet for meeting other adults. I craved adult conversation and just meeting people that also made working out a priority. I’ve made so many friends and people I never would have met otherwise. Many of these people have become good friends and so many fun social opportunities have opened up. Some people prefer to run or do more solo activities, but even if you are not doing group classes like I do, you can still find a supportive community amongst others who do the same.

There are lots of other reasons, but I’m going to end it by with saying that carving out time for myself has allowed me to maintain my personhood. I like being a wife and mom, but I am still a whole person apart from that. That’s another example I want to give the kids. I can still be a partner and parent without completely sacrificing the things that I enjoy. Too many moms make themselves martyrs and think that they’re giving their family a magical experience by doing so when in fact it just leads to a stressed out, thankless serfdom. And what is left when the kids do grow up and move away? Claiming time now and having them acknowledge that mom is also a human being teaches them how to treat people and themselves when they are grown. 


I’d love to hear thoughts from you on this topic as well!

Marriage Assessment

Thursday, April 19~



I'm almost always in a book or Bible study of some sort. Right now we're reading one of Lysa TerKeurst's. She wrote this fantastic marriage relationship inventory that really grabbed my attention! I have to share it.



1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Assessment



Am I patient with my spouse? (I am flexible and understanding.) EPHESIANS 4:2-3



Am I kind to my spouse? (I am kind in thought, words, and actions toward them.) EPHESIANS 4:31-32



Am I supportive (not envious) with my spouse? (I do not keep score when I feel I do more.) JAMES 3:16-18



Am I encouraging (not boastful) to my spouse? (I do not brag about my accomplishments while downplaying theirs.) HEBREWS 3:13



Am I humble (not proud) with my spouse? (I do not think my agenda is more important than my spouse’s agenda.) 1 PETER 5:6



Am I gracious (not rude) to my spouse? (I build up my spouse with my words spoken in private and public.) EPHESIANS 4:29



Am I selfless (not self-seeking) with my spouse? (I focus on my spouse’s needs and wants and balance them with my own.) PHILIPPIANS 2:3-4



Am I self-controlled (not easily angered) with my spouse? (I do not have a short fuse or quick temper.) PROVERBS 15:1



Am I able to forgive and let go (keeping no record of wrongs) with my spouse’s shortcomings? (I do not use my spouse’s past shortcomings as ammunition in today’s disagreements or allow these things to taint our communication today.) COLOSSIANS3:12-14



Do I delight in being faithful to God (not delighting in evil)? (I seek to live a pure life and choose not to flirt with sin.) EPHESIANS 4:1



Do I rejoice with the truth? (I actively pursue God’s truth over Satan’s lies.) JOHN 8:31-32



Do I seek to protect my spouse? (I fill in the gaps where they feel weak and
vulnerable.) 1 THESSALONIANS 5:11



Do I trust my spouse? (I give my spouse the benefit of the doubt.) 1 PETER 3:8



Do I keep hope alive in my marriage? (I trust God with “our” future, not “my” future.) JEREMIAH 29:11



Do I persevere in my marriage? (I look for solutions to problems rather than look for a way out.) MATTHEW 5:33



Am I devoted to the permanence of our marriage? (I believe that divorce is not an option for us.) MALACHI 2:16


In the scramble of handling all the details of a life full of little people, romance and love can sometimes take a backseat. We have to not only be intentional with our active love, but also be intentional about keeping our love fresh, exciting, and fun. You can’t compare your circumstances and relationship with others; that will only serve to drain and discourage you.
Keep your focus on making your marriage the best it can be. It is what you put into your marriage that you’ll be able to pull out of your marriage. The grass isn’t greener on the other side; it is greener where you water and fertilize it. -Lysa TerKeurst

Space is the Place

from Friday, March 16th~




Juju at the park this morning
  
   I blogged about my 9th anniversary the other week. 9 years isn't astonishing, but it is a good chunk of time. Occasionally people will ask about what I think we're doing right. One of the things that I think we do nicely is allowing each other space. I don't mean that our commitment and fidelity is compromised in anyway. I do mean that we allow time and energy for each other's interests. I have to have time away with my friends. I have to have time to volunteer. Jason has to play music. Jason has to hang out with his buddies. We do check with each other and consult our family calendar, but we don't keep track of who's been out more or technically whose turn it is. Part of it is trust. I don't get jealous of the time he spends out with the guys because I know that they're behaving themselves. Jason knows that I will be where I say I will be. There's no shadiness. I feel like being apart gives us more to talk about when we are together. And I don't even want to be a needy, controlling wife. That emasculates a man quickly! Now we do spend time together and I don't want to downplay that, but I do want to express that for us it's been a very good thing to encourage each other to have a life beyond being just mom & dad.

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