I have got to get some consistency going with this blog... It's just life right now is nuts. Take this morning for example. I thought I was going to MOPS and had been planning to do so for the last month. Instead I ended up looking at duplexes for sale. (No, I'm not the buyer.) I've got a list of things to do today; blogging was not on it, but here I am! I think I need to establish what I want to make regular features and not be afraid to schedule stuff ahead. There are days where I get too busy to get on my computer and my phone isn't good for more than checking things. I think Fridays work best for weigh ins and reporting on my whole health revamping.

And it just so happens to be Friday!  I can't say I've done amazing this week, but I haven't blown it either. Of course, more exercise, less carbs, no late night snacking is always on the list of things to improve on. I am still tracking on Livestrong fairly consistently. I'm pleased to have reconnected with a couple people on there who were of great encouragement to me a few years ago and also to have made a couple new friends. 

I really have more I want to blog about, but I just don't think this is the forum for it. Despite so many wonderful things going on, I feel myself sinking into despair over other things. I feel very alone, which I suppose is good for the prayer life, but bad on the heart. And then I feel guilty over feeling anything but pure happiness that I get to spend my days with this little sweetie.

She was flapping her arms which doesn't ever translate well on the phone camera!

Where to start... about 6 months after I had Julian, I revamped things. I was working out daily and doing yoga, body sculpting, step class, zumba, running, etc. I was eating well and had my thyroid medication pretty balanced. I lost about 40 lbs. It was great. I felt good and was even doing 5k runs (big deal for this top heavy, heat sensitive, asthmatic!). 

It's not hard to trace where I fell off the wagon. Enter miscarriage one, two, three, four... I stopped all exercise but walking out of fear that it might be contributing to the issue. I was on and off my thyroid meds with each pregnancy. I felt depressed and couldn't even get my head to a place where I could prepare ahead and plan healthy food choices. The weight crept back on. 

When I did have a successful pregnancy with our baby Jane, it was far from an easy one. I had gestational diabetes that was just out of control no matter what diet they put me on. I couldn't gain weight so that was a concern too. I had to eat all the time and stuff that I felt I had no choice in. There wasn't a single craving that I was able to fulfill. It was awful.

So now Jane is here and the diabetes is gone. I'm not even in the pre-diabetic range. And I'm making up for all the things I couldn't have during my pregnancy! This is not a good thing, but I've allowed it because I am breastfeeding. I like to use that as an excuse. My gym scholarship is active so I have no reason why I haven't been as active there. It's just been hard to get myself together and actually go.

I did lose all my pregnancy weight in the 8 weeks after Jane was born. I hadn't been able to gain that much anyway so what I did gain came off easily. However, this morning I weighed at the gym and I've gained back a couple of the pounds I'd lost. That was a wake up call. Apparently I can't eat pizza every weekend and lose weight. =p 

So now what? One of the things that really helped me before is tracking my food and exercise. It forces me to come face to face with the calories in what I eat. I need that. It also provides some accountability. I've reactivated my Daily Plate account on Livestrong. I'm not waiting until Monday to start, so, starting tomorrow, I will be posting on there. If you'd like to join me, the part of the site I use is free. I'd like as many friends as possible to come alongside me in this journey. I'll be following pre-diabetic menu recommendations (as I'm predisposed to it genetically and having had it gestationally).

As much as I hate it, I guess we need a before picture. =e This one is pretty unflattering and really that's why I've chosen it.