2010- the Year in Review
A few days late and a little salty, here it is, my review of the year 2010…
I have to say I genuinely did start this year with a lot of hope, thinking surely this year could not be as bad as last year. It ended up blowing 2009 out of the water entirely. I actually yearn for dull aching unhappiness of 2009.
HIGHS OF THE YEAR
Great Music- Adam Randall (and band in which Jason plays bass) played more this year and I was able to go to most of the shows. I got to actually see Sufjan Stevens in concert and it was the best show I’ve ever been to. Had to drive a ways to see that one, but the Tampa Bay area is actually attracting some good bands these days.
Counseling- I decided to take myself to anger management therapy this year. It ended up being so much more than that. There is something totally freeing about being able to pour out your rational and irrational concerns to a completely unbiased person. I really worked hard on my take home assignments and was as open as I could be and we made real progress. I still have my moments, but having let go of some old baggage, I can deal with things without years of emotional response jumping in on the situation.
Financially- We had a lot of things break this year: cars, bathrooms, dryers, vacuums, cribs, etc. and a lot of our bills went up for whatever reason. It was amazing to see how God provided for us. Sometimes it was cold hard cash; other times a replacement item or an available handyman. Our family and friends are so generous and good to us. Jason was also given a lot of overtime and that helped. I had a pretty good year with my jewelry and eBay. I was also able to pick up some part time and temporary jobs here and there.
Visits & Trips
My mom and dad came and spent a bit of time with us in the spring. We had a lot of fun taking day trips, eating pizza, hanging out on the beach and just visiting. While they were in the US, we also went up to Missouri to see the rest of the family and celebrate my niece and nephew’s birthdays. That was a good visit and Julian enjoyed the time with all the cousins, aunts and uncles, not to mention his grandparents and great grandparents!
We also took a long weekend trip up to Jason’s grandmother’s house in north Georgia. It was a chill time out in the country and we were able to relax and just spend time with Nana & Papa. We also fit in a day trip to Greenville and spent the better part of a day with our dear friends the Loken’s and Randolph’s.
I took a short trip up to Pennsylvania for a little class reunion. It was fun to catch up with people and see how we’ve all changed (or not). I got to spend some time with my wonderful high school girlfriends, not enough time, but better than nothing.
I also took a girl trip up to Asheville. We stayed at an amazing house, went to a fantastic concert, ate delicious foods, went on a breathtaking (and breathstealing) hike and just had a terrific time together.
LOWS OF THE YEAR
Grandmother – Jason’s grandmother passed in May. She was a strong lady and is missed, but we are glad she’s in a better place and Jason’s parents are able to live their lives again. But then Sandra’s struggles with her eye have been an ordeal of their own. It’s been hard to see them get through one crisis just to have to face another.
Miscarriages- Our own crises have centered on the failed pregnancies I’ve had this year. The first was so shocking and unexpected I didn’t know if I was going to make it through. Then it happened again and again. We tried hormone therapy and did everything the doctor dictated. We prayed and were prayed for and ultimately have been told that the likelihood of us having more children is slim. (The next person who tells me to just keep trying is probably going to get punched because they clearly do not understand that we get pregnant really easy. That’s not the problem; it’s that the embryo is just not viable. The stress and emotional pain and physical pain is intense with every failed pregnancy and so to keep trying is to ensure we go through that pain over and over and over again. Until our genetic testing comes back, no more pregnancies, so don’t even ask or try to imply that maybe we’ll get lucky if we just keep at it.)
Fitness- Add going most of the first trimester of pregnancy multiple times with having surgery a couple times to being on hormones that’s first side affect is weight gain and water retention to emotional eating, and you get me putting some of the weight I’d lost back on. That’s depressing.
Church Changes- Part of it is our music minister, a close personal friend, changing. The other part of it I’m still processing. We’re still there though and hoping that God reveals to us what His plans for us are.
Spiritually- I’ve had the pleasure of going through some great studies and books this year. The Hole in Our Gospel
poked a hole straight through my heart and mind and, while it’s not inspired gospel, I think every person who calls themselves a Christian could benefit from reading it. Satisfy My Thirsty Soul
was another book that I got a lot out of. Honestly though, my faith has taken a terrible beating with each of our losses this year. At first it was all I was clinging to and then as each pregnancy started in such hope and gratitude and then was taken away… it just seems cruel to dangle something so wanted in front of us and then let it be snatched away. I hope one day to see a purpose in all of this. I don’t doubt God has a plan and can do great things, I just have a hard time thinking someone who is a friend and a father would let this happen to someone they love when they have the power to do anything so that’s where I’m at.
RESOLUTIONS
Fitness- I’m off all those terrible hormones and don’t plan on being pregnant this year so I hope to get back to my healthy regiment. Because of this last surgery, I have another week before I can go back to the gym. Monday starts me back to my healthy eating.
Ministry- I really, really want to be involved in some sort of ongoing ministry that helps change the world, one person, one community, at a time. I don’t know what that will be, I have several organizations that I really love what they do and I’m just waiting to see which one needs me.
Get It Together- This year has been such turmoil, everything in my life has suffered- from friendships to cleaning my house. I have to pick myself up and try to look past my desire to just curl up in a ball on the couch and lose myself in medication and crap TV. Most of you would never guess that’s where I’ve been, but I’m a pretty good actress and I don’t want my depression to give people a reason to avoid me. But I really do want to start this year fresh and be the me that is still somewhere inside.
PS- I can't even begin to say how much encouragement and love and understanding Jason has given me this year. Julian has been my biggest source of comfort. I don't know what I'd do without my boys...
I have to say I genuinely did start this year with a lot of hope, thinking surely this year could not be as bad as last year. It ended up blowing 2009 out of the water entirely. I actually yearn for dull aching unhappiness of 2009.
HIGHS OF THE YEAR
Great Music- Adam Randall (and band in which Jason plays bass) played more this year and I was able to go to most of the shows. I got to actually see Sufjan Stevens in concert and it was the best show I’ve ever been to. Had to drive a ways to see that one, but the Tampa Bay area is actually attracting some good bands these days.
Counseling- I decided to take myself to anger management therapy this year. It ended up being so much more than that. There is something totally freeing about being able to pour out your rational and irrational concerns to a completely unbiased person. I really worked hard on my take home assignments and was as open as I could be and we made real progress. I still have my moments, but having let go of some old baggage, I can deal with things without years of emotional response jumping in on the situation.
Financially- We had a lot of things break this year: cars, bathrooms, dryers, vacuums, cribs, etc. and a lot of our bills went up for whatever reason. It was amazing to see how God provided for us. Sometimes it was cold hard cash; other times a replacement item or an available handyman. Our family and friends are so generous and good to us. Jason was also given a lot of overtime and that helped. I had a pretty good year with my jewelry and eBay. I was also able to pick up some part time and temporary jobs here and there.
Visits & Trips
My mom and dad came and spent a bit of time with us in the spring. We had a lot of fun taking day trips, eating pizza, hanging out on the beach and just visiting. While they were in the US, we also went up to Missouri to see the rest of the family and celebrate my niece and nephew’s birthdays. That was a good visit and Julian enjoyed the time with all the cousins, aunts and uncles, not to mention his grandparents and great grandparents!
We also took a long weekend trip up to Jason’s grandmother’s house in north Georgia. It was a chill time out in the country and we were able to relax and just spend time with Nana & Papa. We also fit in a day trip to Greenville and spent the better part of a day with our dear friends the Loken’s and Randolph’s.
I took a short trip up to Pennsylvania for a little class reunion. It was fun to catch up with people and see how we’ve all changed (or not). I got to spend some time with my wonderful high school girlfriends, not enough time, but better than nothing.
I also took a girl trip up to Asheville. We stayed at an amazing house, went to a fantastic concert, ate delicious foods, went on a breathtaking (and breathstealing) hike and just had a terrific time together.
LOWS OF THE YEAR
Grandmother – Jason’s grandmother passed in May. She was a strong lady and is missed, but we are glad she’s in a better place and Jason’s parents are able to live their lives again. But then Sandra’s struggles with her eye have been an ordeal of their own. It’s been hard to see them get through one crisis just to have to face another.
Miscarriages- Our own crises have centered on the failed pregnancies I’ve had this year. The first was so shocking and unexpected I didn’t know if I was going to make it through. Then it happened again and again. We tried hormone therapy and did everything the doctor dictated. We prayed and were prayed for and ultimately have been told that the likelihood of us having more children is slim. (The next person who tells me to just keep trying is probably going to get punched because they clearly do not understand that we get pregnant really easy. That’s not the problem; it’s that the embryo is just not viable. The stress and emotional pain and physical pain is intense with every failed pregnancy and so to keep trying is to ensure we go through that pain over and over and over again. Until our genetic testing comes back, no more pregnancies, so don’t even ask or try to imply that maybe we’ll get lucky if we just keep at it.)
Fitness- Add going most of the first trimester of pregnancy multiple times with having surgery a couple times to being on hormones that’s first side affect is weight gain and water retention to emotional eating, and you get me putting some of the weight I’d lost back on. That’s depressing.
Church Changes- Part of it is our music minister, a close personal friend, changing. The other part of it I’m still processing. We’re still there though and hoping that God reveals to us what His plans for us are.
Spiritually- I’ve had the pleasure of going through some great studies and books this year. The Hole in Our Gospel
poked a hole straight through my heart and mind and, while it’s not inspired gospel, I think every person who calls themselves a Christian could benefit from reading it. Satisfy My Thirsty Soul was another book that I got a lot out of. Honestly though, my faith has taken a terrible beating with each of our losses this year. At first it was all I was clinging to and then as each pregnancy started in such hope and gratitude and then was taken away… it just seems cruel to dangle something so wanted in front of us and then let it be snatched away. I hope one day to see a purpose in all of this. I don’t doubt God has a plan and can do great things, I just have a hard time thinking someone who is a friend and a father would let this happen to someone they love when they have the power to do anything so that’s where I’m at.RESOLUTIONS
Fitness- I’m off all those terrible hormones and don’t plan on being pregnant this year so I hope to get back to my healthy regiment. Because of this last surgery, I have another week before I can go back to the gym. Monday starts me back to my healthy eating.
Ministry- I really, really want to be involved in some sort of ongoing ministry that helps change the world, one person, one community, at a time. I don’t know what that will be, I have several organizations that I really love what they do and I’m just waiting to see which one needs me.
Get It Together- This year has been such turmoil, everything in my life has suffered- from friendships to cleaning my house. I have to pick myself up and try to look past my desire to just curl up in a ball on the couch and lose myself in medication and crap TV. Most of you would never guess that’s where I’ve been, but I’m a pretty good actress and I don’t want my depression to give people a reason to avoid me. But I really do want to start this year fresh and be the me that is still somewhere inside.
PS- I can't even begin to say how much encouragement and love and understanding Jason has given me this year. Julian has been my biggest source of comfort. I don't know what I'd do without my boys...
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